Last night after a nasty greasy fried chicken dinner at Popeye’s (which I am STILL belching up) the G-man and I stopped off at Target to do a little sandal shopping. Now I know these pink puppies aren’t sandals but how could I resist? I could have used those babies back when I was line dancing on Tuesday nights at the Royal Exchange’s Flying Club in 1992.

The award for the most uncomfortable sandal goes to this wobbly white tower. Although I tried on my normal size it seems to me that it looks a little too small. Is it just my imagination? Lets just say they darn sure didn’t make their way into my cart when it was all said and done.

These were my normal size sandals but they seemed too long for me. They would fit great if you had duck feet. I like to call these the “dominatrix design”. Just the thing you need to go with the leather whips stashed in your closet for those special occasions. Who needs spiked shoes when you have the “dominatrix” sandals?!

Then I tried on these plastic pink/melon things. It made me feel like I had forgotten to shave my armpits or legs in a couple of years because I was too busy plowing the North 40 while wearing my flannel shirt and men’s levis. They would be pretty handy to have while gardening though. All you would have to do is hose them down when they got muddy and you’d be good to go. But as for a fashion statement? No thank you.

I needed a Rocket Scientist to help me figure out how to put these bronze monstrosities on and tie them. I am pretty sure I did it wrong even after cussing at them for 15 minutes. Finally I said "screw it" and threw them on the floor in the middle of the aisle for someone to trip on. I'm all heart.

The last pair I tried on was this pair of golden delights that made me feel like a Roman Goddess. I am pretty certain I looked like one too. Don’t be jealous, we can’t all be this divine. Don't be a hater! You too can have these little gems for a mere $14.99 at your local Target.

Next week, we shop for bathing suits.