Have you ever made a promise and as soon as you heard the words come out of your mouth you wished you could take it back? That’s what happened to me a couple of months ago. I rashly promised Lil Miss and her sort of step-sister (my eldest son’s girlfriend’s 10 year old daughter) that I would take them out for a “girl’s afternoon”. Finally the day came to pay up yesterday and pay up I did. As soon as they got here Shelly (the girlfriends daughter) started in even before we walked out the door, “what can we get, how much money can we spend, gimme, gimme, gimme.” I knew I was in trouble from the start. I told them they could spend $10 each. That wasn’t clear enough for Shelly. “Well Grandma, does that mean we can spend $10 at EACH store?” “No” I replied, “just $10 each for the afternoon”. “No, I want to spend $10 at each store” Shelly said. No can do kiddo, tough luck.
The first store we hit was Claires. If you have ever been to a Claire’s before you know the enticement this is for a young girl. It seems that everything is $8.99 and above and all of it is designed to make a young girl drool. Just ask Brooklyn, my daughter. Speaking of which, the girls found the cutest little tee shirts for doggies at Claires. So they decided that the above tee shirt is the one they would want to buy for Booger if they weren’t spending their money all on themselves.
After 45 minutes they finally each choose some fake French tip nails, a pair of earrings each and an assortment pack of earrings to split (which they probably never will since Shelly got the pack in her bag). Now here is where it gets f—ked up. At the cash register the cashier (evil wench) says to the girls “wouldn’t you like some wish boxes to go with this? They are ONLY 99 cents.” Well hell yes they want wish boxes, and anything else they can manage to get up on the counter and into the bag. So wish boxes were added to the bags.
At this point I had a make a detour to the closest Starbucks. It’s a caffeine thing. I slurped down my mocha light frappachino so fast that in the Pathfinder on the way to Baskin Robbins I had a huge heartburn attack while I was driving and had to quickly pull to the side of the road and down 2 Nexuim while clutching my chest. Shelly pipes out from the back seat “What’s wrong with you, why aren’t we going? You’re not having a heart attack are you?” At this point I was under the mistaken impression that she gave a shit and I didn’t want to scare them so I said “I’m just trying not to fart, so I need to take an anti-fart pill”. (as I am clutching my chest). Shelly screams out “Ugh, DON’T fart while I’m in here, get out of the car to fart Grandma.” Sidenote: I don’t recommend telling kids this because what if I WERE having a heart attack? I would pass out and the ambulance would come and the girls would tell them I died from farting. Not a good way to be remembered. I must think of a new tactic for this one. After a few minutes the attack had passed (no pun intended) and we were on our merry way.
Before we even walked into the doors of Baskin Robbins Shelly started. “Grandma Daisy (that’s what she calls me) can I get a large ice cream? “ “Well Shelly” I replied, how about a double scoop?” “NO, I want a LARGE three scoop adult sized ice cream, I WANT three scoops, a LARGE!” I told her that she could get 2 scoops and if she still wanted a third after she ate all of that we could get another scoop. That seemed to work (for the moment). After she scarfed down both scoops she said “Okay Grandma Daisy, I’m ready for my 3rd scoop”. I was getting a little smarter by this time (or WAS I) and I said “Oh, I thought you wanted to go to Hobby Lobby?” That changed her mind real quick. So off we drove to Hobby Lobby.
In Hobby Lobby the real hell started. I want this, I want that. Don’t they have clothes here, I wanted an outfit or two also. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Meanwhile Lil Miss is just watching this, taking it all in. And I am thinking “Oh Lord, don’t let Lil Miss think this is the way a girl should act.” They finally decided on feather boas, some embroidery floss for friendship bracelets and a packet of door knocker signs (so they could make signs that said STAY OUT to put on their bedroom doors). We get to the check out line and that’s when Shelly saw the Floam. “Grandma Daisy, I HAVE to have this”. No I replied, sorry but we are over budget as it is. “NO you don’t understand, it is $25 if you buy it on TV and only $6.99 here, we HAVE to buy it!” So I tell her she can put the other stuff back and get the floam instead if she wants. “NO, I need it ALL!” Meanwhile this is all occurring in front of the cashier as it is our turn in line. I held firm. She decided on the floam (while Lil Miss is watching this scene unfold with wide eyes, just taking it all in). Then AFTER the cashier rings up the floam Shelly says “I changed my mind, I want the other stuff instead.” I was getting pretty frustrated by this time. So I caved and I let them keep the floam on the bill. But I did make Shelly split it in half with Lil Miss (and I gave Lil Miss the larger half).
We get home and Lil Miss (who is addicted to fake nails just the way her Auntie Brooklyn was at that age) wants to put on the fake nails they bought. This stuff came with glue, not the nail tape that some do. I don’t EVER recommend letting your little girls use nail glue on fake nails. NEVER EVER! Shelly somehow glued her finger to her stomach. Don’t believe me? A picture is worth a thousand words and that picture says it all. And yes, Shelly’s shorts are unbuttoned. That extra scoop of ice cream was too much for her waistband so she had to unbutton her shorts.
Later after I had taken Shelly home I had to take Lil Miss to the drug store to get this stuff that takes the nails off of little girls fingers since that nail glue is like – glue. Those nails were cemented on and we had quite the time getting them off. I had promised Lil Miss that she could spend the night. What does she do after she gets the nails off? She tells me “Gwanma, I want to put my nails back on and paint them.” AAAGGHHH!!!! I convinced her that playing with her floam would be much more fun. I was glad to hand the nails to Lil Miss’s mother this morning when she came to pick her up so the nails would be her problem now. I think I deserve a nap this afternoon after girls afternoon yesterday. Whew!
