I’d like to think that I am a nice guy (or rather a nice gal), although some people might argue that fact. I think the old saying that nice guys finish last might be true. Take for instance my latest endeavor. I have been planning a yard sale for several weeks now. I don’t mind going to yard sales but I hate hosting them. My eldest son moved out of his house a few weeks ago and combined his household with his girlfriends, thus they have a lot of stuff they need to get rid of. Being a nice person I offered to hold a yard sale. Suddenly my little bitty garage was their dumping ground for everything they didn’t want, including old tires. This is the part where I roll my eyes. When I suggested they leave their things in their large two car garage until the day before the yard sale I was met with firm opposition. “But Mom, we don’t want to mess up our new house by having all that junk laying around”. I said okay but I did draw the line at any more junk being dropped off until the week before the yard sale.



Then I made tactical error #2. I told the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor about the yard sale and made the offer that she could take advantage of the free advertising and put some things out in her yard to get rid of if she liked. I even went as far as to say that if she only had a couple of things she could add them in my yard sale and I would sell them for her. What the f**k was I thinking? Yesterday afternoon she comes over and says she has several bags of her 8 year old booger picking daughters clothing to bring over for the yard sale as well as 3 bikes and a ton of toys. WTF? That doesn’t sound like a couple of items to me! So I explain to her that I am out of room in my garage. That’s okay she says, she’ll just park the bikes against the side of my house and put the toys in garbage bags so they won’t get wet if it should rain. Did I mention the yard sale isn’t until May 12th? I don’t want her junk laid against the side of my house for over a week. Then it gets better. She says that she has decided to extend the yard sale time from 8 to 2pm all the way to 5pm on both Friday and Saturday. That’s fine but I’ve already put an ad in the paper, made signs and I have a life so I don’t feel like sitting in my front yard amid a huge pile of other peoples junk until 5pm for 2 days. Amen! I can see I am going to have to take a firm stand with all of these people.



The next topic of conversation with the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor was her sons girlfriend. Her son’s girlfriend hates her mother with a passion because her mother was collecting $300 a month in child support for her and not giving it to her. (Oh no, I’m rolling my eyes again). Yes her mother did provide her with a roof over her head and food and clothing. And her mother helped her get a car and pay the insurance on the car. But how dare her mother keep that child support money and use it on … child support! The nerve! (That stuff dripping on your shoes is the sarcasm in my last 2 sentences.) Why does this girl feel that the child support money should be given directly to her? Because her father told her it should. Now the girl is 18 and the child support is over. She has been working for the last year at a yarn shop but recently quit her job so she could hang out with the jobless son of the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor. I guess bumism is contagious. The self proclaimed faith healer neighbor is aghast that the girlfriends mother is trying to force her to get a job and pay her own car insurance. So the girl wants to move out of her mothers house since her mother is so heartless as to want her to work. She asked Deb (self proclaimed faith healer neighbor) to ask her church to help her. After all they help the orphans in Jamaica so why wouldn’t they help her? Several members of the church stepped up and did offer to help her by letting her live in their homes. The girlfriend was furious! “That’s not what I meant” she said. “I want your church to sign on an apartment lease for me and put me up in it for 6 moths to give me a head start in life.” Hey, I would like one of those head starts myself. Wouldn’t we all? And here is where I actually agree and approve of what Deb did for once. Deb told the girlfriend that she was out of her mind and ungrateful. My words exactly!



And while I am gossiping (yes Mom I am GOSSIPING) about other people, let me get something off my mind about Lil Miss’s friends mother. This is the same woman that broke Lil Miss’s heart a couple of weeks ago when they had a half day of school by telling Lil Miss not to ever call there again. Did I mention that this gal is 9 months pregnant? Now here is where all you mothers can start shaking your heads because you know this gal is full of the brown stuff. She told me 2 weeks ago that her doctor broke her water and she lost her mucus plug. (Guys if you don’t know what that is don’t ask.) Oh, and she said she was 4 centimeters dilated. And I am not the only one she has told this to. So I am supposed t believe that she is walking around with a baby in a fluidless sack for two plus weeks? Every afternoon when I see her at school picking up daughter I wave at her and smile while inwardly wondering why in the world does she lie about something like that? I just don’t get it. Even the teachers are talking about her childbirth lies. I just keep shaking my head in bafflement.



So other than preparing for yard sales and watching Lil Miss after school not much is going on with my life these days except…. VACATION! Remember that beach vacation the G-man and I were planning? Well it is only a couple of weeks away. So if anyone has any insights on Asheville NC, Myrtle Beach SC, Charleston SC and Wilmington NC I am all ears. I am desperately trying to lose 20 pounds before we hit the open roads. And surely the powdered donut I had for breakfast this morning can’t have that many calories. I think the secret is to eat it while drinking a diet coke. The diet coke cancels out the calories of whatever donut or candy bar you are eating. It’s a well known scientific fact! Hey, I don’t make this shit up you know.



I discovered the Daisy Mae home for wayward birdies last night upon coming out of the back door. When I slammed the door I suddenly heard chirping. I looked in the gutters and 2 baby birds were popping their heads up with their mouths open hoping I as their momma with a juicy worm for them. We later saw a robin fly to the nest. Aren’t robins nests supposed to be good luck? I think we are ready for some good luck at Chez Daisy!