The coolest thing happened last night. The UPS man came to the door about 7PM and dropped off a very unexpected package. I love unexpected packages. I saw the return address said Stonewall Kitchens. How odd I thought. I hadn’t ordered anything from such a place. And it was addressed to me. I thought perhaps Amazon screwed up and added something else to the order I had done for G-man a couple of weeks ago. So I asked him to step out of the room while I opened it. When I opened it I gave a squeal of delight. G-man didn’t know that though. All he knew is that I opened a package and screamed. So he comes running in, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” “Nothing wrong” I replied, “Tracy sent a gift form Maine!” If you’ve ever seen Christmas Vacation (one of my all-time favorite movies) you’ve heard of the Jelly of the month club, which is the gift that keeps on giving. This is better because it’s Caramel Apple Butter from Maine! Thanks so much Tracy! And to think I sent her a re-gifted tissue holder from Dubai. I feel crummy now…well maybe not because it was funny. Anyway, thank you Tracy I really appreciate it. You know the way to our hearts – Food!

The sister in law called me last night to moan and groan about her lost luggage. She went shopping last night because as she put it “all of her clothes were in those two suitcases and she has nothing to wear.” Now the sister in law is a shopaholic so I assure you, she has closets full of clothes. But as G-man very aptly put it, she probably doesn’t have any clothes that “fit”. And judging from the way her butt keeps expanding I’d have to say he is probably correct. Then to make matters worse she called me this morning at 7:00am when she was changing planes in Philadelphia. She was crying and said that she had just talked to JFK and they haven’t received her luggage as of yet. She asked to speak to the guys supervisor and he told her his supervisor didn’t take calls. So she wants to spend the morning at the airport here trying to get this resolved. Fortunately we don’t have that particular airline that she flew to Israel here in Indianapolis. I am sure that won’t stop her though. She will go up to any airline worker at any airline and tell them her take of woe. She isn’t even here yet and I am already sick of this. She needs to get used to the fact that her luggage has been stolen. I can see that she is going to ruin the entire holiday with her crying and going on about her lost luggage. And her mother will be taking G-man and I to the side to complain about her. It will be a holly jolly f**king Christmas. The hap-hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny f**king Kaye. And when Santa comes down the chimney he is going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the North Pole. (I watched Christmas Vacation again last night).

Onto something brighter. Lil Miss’s fingernails! Yesterday afternoon I took her out for a milkshake after school as a holiday treat. Then we went to Hobby Lobby so she could get a Christmas present for her Auntie (my red brown headed daughter). After she bought her Auntie a present she found one for herself. (She’s an equal opportunity shopper) She bought herself a cute set of fake fingernails for children that look Christmasy. So we came home and watched the Grinch Who Stole Christmas again for the 20th time in the last two weeks, while we put her new fingernails on. Then when she found that she couldn’t use her fingers well with them on they came off pretty quick. But she enjoyed them for the 5 minutes that she wore them and that’s what counts, right?

And now I must get ready to go to the airport to pick up my nightmares inlaws. Why do I feel like I am marching to an execution? I hope everyone has a holly jolly weekend and a wonderful Christmas. I am sure I am going to blog a lot over the holiday. It will probably be the only way I will be able to get through it. And yes, there will be plenty of pictures of the whale sister in law. That reminds me, I need to switch the PC to the Guest account so she can’t see any of my blogging. Happy Holidays ya’ll!