There is a new show on The Bravo Network called Show Dog Moms And Dads. You can’t miss this one. Forget your reality shows like The Inferno II and The Gotti’s. This show leaves them all in the dust. An 8-part documentary series, Showdog Moms and Dads follows five devoted dog owners and their pampered pooches. Although the show came on last night, the normal program time is Wednesday night at 10PM.
The show starts off with a bleach blonde Barbie wanna-be trying to put an artificial vagina on her German Shepard’s erect penis. I don’t even want to know how they got it erect. Somehow this artificial vagina simulates the sex act and collects the dogs semen. Then they can use the semen for breeding purposes. So, the camera would pan between the worried look on Barbie’s face to the huge smile on Fido’s face. And then we have lift-off. They look at some of the “collection” under the microscope and pronounce it “Potent Stuff”. Barbie breaths a huge sigh of relief while tears stream down her face and Fido is looking for someone to light his cigarette.
The next segment was on the 2 gay fellows who had the cutest little puppy. These guys had no business being together as they could not stop arguing for even 5 minutes. Constant bickering. Their main drama was that their puppies balls had not yet dropped. And apparently that is cause for disqualification in dog shows. So they speak with an expert over the phone who instructs them on what to do in order to get the balls to drop. The guys will have to manually manipulate them. They both balk saying they don’t want to touch the dogs balls. Funny, but they didn’t have any problem touching each others balls I’m sure. At least when they aren’t arguing. Then they start arguing that guy #2 is making the puppy gay by spoiling him and apparently they were offended by the thought of having a gay puppy. Dude, welcome to my world, let me introduce you to Moose. Anyway, they only have themselves to blame if the dog does end up gay because guess what they named the puppy? Liberache. Then the camera shows them having a bonding moment and rubbing Liberache’s belly. Of course the pink thing comes out so the camera does a close-up on that. I am telling you this should have been on the porn channel. I never saw so many dog penis’s or dogs doing the dirty in all my life. It was disgusting. It was like a train wreck – you just couldn’t turn away.
Then came the worst segment of all. The dog that bit the man in the park. It was a leash-less little dog. The cameras were there to film this woman training dogs. But then they heard this commotion and looked over and this man who was merely walking along a pathway in the park, had been bitten but this 3 pound dog. The woman who owned the dog is not apologetic. She tells the man he should have ran because the dog bites everyone. Then she said (I swear I’m not making this up) that “The dog – he see another dog – and he get jealous – and he bite me in my vagina. Today he bite me 2 times in my vagina. The dog – he see a Labrador and he bite him in his penis. I no no why this dog he do this. He not bad dog – he just like to bite vaginas and penises.” Now you know this is too weird for me to be making this up. That’s why you have to see this show. I tell you, if I had been drinking last night when this show was on, I would have thought I had a nightmare and dreamed it. This was a whacked show.
My pain management doctor stood me up this morning. I waited in the examining room for 40 minutes before they finally came in and said that Bonnie called in sick. Why didn’t they tell me that before they brought me back to the waiting room to wait for 40 minutes. I was not a happy camper. I asked to see another doctor but they said they were all too busy and I would have to come back tomorrow. What rally pisses me off is the signs they have all over the office that say if you are 15 minutes late you forfeit your appointment and still have to pay. So does this mean that the doctor is going to pay me for waiting 40 minutes and then not showing up. This is so wrong.
And my day just gets better and better. I go to Meijers to get a few groceries this morning after my debacle at the doctor’s office. I ask the gal behind the deli counter for ¼ pound of Swiss cheese. She grabs a huge handful, weighs it, sees that it comes to .45 and tries to add MORE. I said I only want about half of that. I only wanted ¼ pound. She has the nerve to argue with me. She says this is ¼ of a pound. I explain that .25 would be ¼ of a pound. She disagrees and says that .50 is ¼ of a pound. Meanwhile the people around us are laughing at this woman’s stupidity. And she was gung-ho on the fact that she was right. If only she knew what an ass she was making of herself. Not only was she arguing with a customer but she was totally wrong too. What a dumbass. Anyway, it took ages to finally get what I wanted and still she had to stick that final jab in as she handed me the cheese (that weighed .28 at this point). “Here. It’s not ¼ of a pound though like you ASKED for”. Yes, she said that word for word. Toothless bitch. So the woman behind me refused service and walked away. As she was walking away she told me that she would rather eat peanut butter and jelly for lunch instead of going through what I just went through. Great customer service you got there Meijers. Nice, intelligent employees. NOT! I don’t think I’ll use Meijers deli again after that one. You know, I think I’ll just stay home for the rest of the day. Bad things seem to be happening to me today.
Remember the yellow bush I was talking about in yesterday’s entry? Where, here is the picture of it. I hope it blooms for more than just 1 week this time, but past years have proven that it only blooms for about a week. Actually, most of my flowers are like that. They bloom for a week and then they are gone. No green thumbs in this house.
